habit 2~

read the 7 habits today.. at habit 2.. it mentioned that we need to have our own personal mission statement. our centre should not be others but our own personal mission statement. hmm.. was pondering what is my own statement? wat kinda statement should i have?? i think i have totally changed myself to the extent of not being myself anymore. reflected so much.. so much unhappiness overwhelmed me..

when i was 4....
- mummy, i wana go toilet.
mum: y u so troublesome? u control i got no time for u.
- urgent..
mum: slap slap beat beat scold scold...

so i told myself if ever i wana go toilet dont tell just control.. cos will onli get beatings..

when i was 7...
mum: u STUPID isit? wana go toilet duno how to open yr stupid mouth to say? shit on yr pants!!! slap slap beat beat scold scold in public..
i was so puzzled.. no matter wat i do also wrong.. got lost in directions... then... i dont understand y my mum wouldnt just stop beating me!!! results.. sleeping.. toilet.. shower.. nanny... anything!!

in between, i always dont understand y my own aunts n uncles dont like me!! my big uncle's wife framed me!my grandma laughed at me when i got punished. my small aunt whacked me just like my mum. when i was so young n fragile trying to hide behind my dad, he pushed me to my mum so tt she can whack me more. my mum every now n then whack me like hell.. my dad's side.. grandpa dislike me. all other kids got all e good stuff except me! wateva scolding, im oways e 1..

so i decided to change.. dont wana talk anymore.. cos if i talk, they whack. if i keep quiet, nth happens. so tis is FAMILY CENTRED. i let my family affect me.. the feeling- when u r young n fragile, u must alr learn to be independent. when u c yr own frens n strangers their family so nice to them, u r so envious of them.

end of pri sch life came sec sch... worse.. being disliked in school during my sec 1-2 life.. was called teacher's pet.. e guys in class made fun of me.. except a small grp of them willing to b my frens.. WHY? cos im FAT n UGLY. i became FRIEND CENTRED. then once during my sec 3 life, my aunt insulted me like hell. i dont understand y my life is so miserable. so i decided to change again.. during my 10 days camp training-OBS + st john camp.. i tried my best to skip lunch n dinner n all.. tortured myself.. then these camps r tedious camps.. but i wana get out of my fatty life.. sooo.. i torture myself.

great.. in just 10 days, i lost a whole 10kg-w lotsa exercise in camps.. ppl start to like me more. i got more guy frens.. slightly lesser criticism from my own family.. was really happy.. then in e end i motivated myself to score well for my Os.. n yes i did it.. i scored much much better than my younger than 2 days cousin.. this way, i got X-CHANGED for better respect from my own PARENTS n FAMILY.. dont look down at me.. i had oways wanted to study F&N, but in order to win the favour of my dad n let my family not look down on me, i took wat they recommended.. biomedical science. NICE!! my family started to love me more..

when i was in poly.. i told myself i hafta change to be a a better person. n i did.. my temper better controlled n im more involved in sch/ class activities. joined many activities, got to noe many frens.. struggled through the 3 years.. unless to my closer frens, otherwise im still a quiet person.. but even to my frens except besties, when im unhapi or got suggestions, i wun even voice out. i would just swallow it down.. cos i scare ppl will dislike me. so im still FREN CENTRED. btw, even at poly life, my mum still whacked me- not w cane.. but w my dog's chain, w her vacuum flask, injured me.. just over v trivial stuff. n shes oways blaming me for studying in poly, WASTING her cpf $$.. wanted me to drop out.. but wat, i kept quiet. i tink if itz most ppl, they wud hv alr left this family. dont understand y i have sucha fam!

at tt time, i have alr begun losing myself.. then to U for half a year, den back to working life.. changed drastically. even till now, idk who im.. im no longer the june wu shi ming back then. i already dont reli noe how to rebuke back, dont dare to quarrel n voice out my unhappiness etc cos im afraid of losing my current frens, dare not talk much as well. wateva ppl say, i just agree.. i lost myself alr, to e extent of me not knowing how to make decisions, give suggestions etc. of cos, still FRIEND CENTRED. then my parents kept borrowing fr me.. now tt im older, able to earn, they treated me like treasure alr. even my other fams.

i have learnt tt tis is reality.. yes.. there r others who r much worse.. but in my situation, i have learnt the ugly human side. betrayal by frens, by family... got stabbed by them.. no1 willing to help e helpless me.. n so much more!! only when u r wearing a armour n not showing yr real self, just letting ppl c yr fake side then they love u.. tis is wat i learnt. recently another setback.. TRUST- in friendship, love, n family is not worthy at all.. friendship, love n family- over my 26 years, i have learnt tat they r v scary.. they caused me to lose myself..  sumtimes when im w my frens, idk whether to remove my armour anot. cause im afraid to get hurt more. yes, at times i tried my best to convince myself but at times, im just afraid. im sorry if at times i din give any suggestions or talk much or sum stupid weird behaviour. im just zi bei, n scared to remove my armour down.

after all tis craps i hv been thru, wat is my personal mission statement? i also duno.. cos i cant convinced myself to not b friend or family centred yet!! if since 4 i have already start losing myself, how m i gg to find myself back?? idk wat kinda person m i? m i really a good person? or a evil person? wat kinda person m i to my fam, frens? wat kinda person m i to myself? DONT KNOW! hoepfully i can search for myself SOON~

sumtimes I tink tis is human being-u want ppl to tell u e truth, but when the truth is being told, u will be reli unhappy! idk lei.. just felt unappreciated at times.. mayb cos tis is a Virgo trait ba.. haix.. unhappy ahh~ at times I feel reli stupid.. for wat sia! ppl dn even bother about u de ma.. like 做贱自己咯.. ahh~~ stupid me!! sianz!!

at work.. work for so long le still Duno hw to read eeg.. Duno I reli stupid ttm or wat sia! haix.. wat a 失败人生 sia.. dumb!! no brain!! regardless of my personal life, my family, my friends, my love life n even at work!!!

to my parents, I'm like a money tree! to my relatives, I'm like a dumb ass.. just a stupid ugly kid nt wanted by any1.. to sum of my frens, mayb I'm oso like shit to them.. mayb shit 都不如.. ok! or mayb I'm jz 自卑吧, hopefully!

jap summary~

itz my 1st blogging aft post jap trip~ LOL.. hmm.. 1st.. xie xie von for accompanying me for breakfast on 27th.. much appreciated~ <3!!

27th: we went to the departure hall, bid goodbye to our frens and off we go to our gate.. abit sua gu tho, 1st time taking A380 ma.. we were supposed to be on e upper deck.. n we kuku go join the q at e main deck... dotz lo... upper deck no q de lo.. hahaha.. off we go... 7hrs in e plane.. we ate.. we watched movies.. n ta da~~ arrived..!! e 1st ting we did when we touched down- on iphone wireless.. hoping to tap to their wireless.. sian de.. limited wireless.. grrr~ den we lug our luggies, went to change n reserved our JR pass n shinkansen seats~aft tt search for our mercure hotel shuttle bus pickup plc.. went to get dinner (yaa.. we ate mac for dinner tt day).. den shuttle all e way bk to mercure.. wooots~ hotel rm super small.. din even noe whr e aircon switch is at.. dotz!! mayb due to lack of water.. new environment.. i shi mian le~~ n till i abt to slp den realised e aircon switch is jz nxt to me.. part of e alarm clock sia.. dotz!!! hahaha.. stuffy for sooo many hrs in e room~~

28th: woke up early in e morning... check out fr hotel cos we din noe whr our train stn were... n ya.. in e end.. itz reli jz 5mins walk.. v near... bobian lo.. settle dn for breakfast at mac again.. apparently, most of their brekkie like sold out la.. tis n tt oso dn hv.. dotz!! hahaha...aft breakfast.. we rushed to tk our narita express, onli to realised we missed it! in e end, we took boso express~ to tokyo (btw, while waiting for e train, thrs a jap obasan asking us if e train goes to tokyo.. we were like errr... bt mayb cos she obasan abit blur gua).. hahaha.. den off we go.. took shinkansen to shin osaka.. took e local train to osaka.. den waited for our shuttle~ reached hyatt hotel.. staff reli gd.. stayed in a reli big n nice hotel.. woohoo~ rushed to aquarium n then ringu factory outlet( tis ringu trip to n fro cost us $30/pax).. 1.5hrs each time~ insufficient time.. in e end rushed n din reli buy much.. yes!! totally forgot abt our dinner.. we drank a cup of bb tea(thru anyhw point n trying our luck)n so we bought cup noodles fr 1 of their convenience stores bk to hotel.. happy cos thrs free wireless~ woohoo~ watched xin bing lo.. aft tt slp...

29th: went USJ(crowded w ppl cos still sch hol, we din get to play much.. haix..) n den aft tt went isetan at osaka stn.. bought katsu dinner bk to hotel~ weee.. n yes... we wasted 500yen each cos we din tk e paid shuttle bus bk fr usj.. on top of tt we still went to tk local trains.. which cost us $$ la..

30th- checked out fr hyatt.. took shinkansen bk to tokyo... left our luggies in a locker... rushed to disneysea... still... crowded dao~ sianz.. so once again... we paid $110 to go in shopping... bought a few exclusive duffy n shelly bears... jz few of these bears cost me $200... wa... hahaha.. den went searching for keio hotel lo.. poor us.. cos itz raining.. haix.. we lugging our luggies everywhr.. den immediately aft putting our lugs in our room, we went to e convenience store dnstairs n spent like nearly $20 on food, drinks n ice cream.. n we used our wireless online again lo..

31st:on course till 3.. we went searching for taka (took us an hr lor) den din buy anyting.. n we walked bk.. waited for dinner(company treat) at a sky restaurant.. den went bk hotel slack le...

1st-yaya.. typhoon.. so we actually took 4 hrs by car to the factory.. n another 4hrs+ back.. so whole day spent in e car.. sianz.. bt abit rude.. cos we 2 totally concussed la.. damn bao qian to e driver.. oopz~ reached hotel abt 7 den she dn wana go out.. so we slacked in hotel lo..

2nd: hosp visit.. b4 tt we subway to isetan walk walk.. aft hosp visit, rushed to hello kitty sanrio puroland lo.. den went daiso walk walk.. aft tt travel bk.. went keio departmental store dabao dinner..slack in hotel again~

3rd: went gotemba factory outlet... bigger n more variety... bought lil stuff tho.. all ralph lauren tops for cousin, god daughter n god son.. ah teng n me too~ LOL.. aft tt went shibuya blue label( who noes tt day closed for private sales.. grrrr) den we went tokyu plaza n aft tt to agnes b shop(whr i bought a bag thr for nana.. itz a lot cheaper but if i were to buy for myself.. sure she bu de.. cos still nt cheap~ haix but she dn like la.. muahaha.. nt her style ma.. bobian la~

4th: went mt fuji but cant cant go mt fuji.. so stopped at hakone.. aft hakone, we went shibuya again.. to e blue label shop.. bt again, din buy anyting.. lol...aft tt forgot dinner den we ate maggi again.. lol

5th: went disneyland.. managed to play more games... hehe.. den saw mickey n friends as well.. aft tt bought sum stuffs fr thr as well.. hehe.. i wana go again~~ hahaha

6th: went tokyo tower... ate curry rice fr tokyo curry lab.. aft tt rushed to narita airport,bought tokyo banana etc thr.. had jap dinner thr n aft tt, ta da.. home at 3am... LOL..

end of summary~~ =D

sianz.. li li bie bie...

ok.. 1 of my colleague's last day is on 5th july (tmr).. sadded.. it came as a surprise to me on a v slpy tue n like i will b working w her e whole of nxt wk den we wun mit anymore.. even on her last day.. shitz..! haix.. she bu de sia.. sianz... 1 person less le.. hope she will come bk sing wk lor! sad.. till nw still trying to tell myself she leaving, cos apparently she is 1 of my closest colleague le.. tk bus to n fro wk, go lunch n sumtimes dine out at nex etc tog, live near each other etc..

she is my no 2 cool cool fren.. lol.. jz like nana.. haha.. tho nana nt so cool nw.. heh heh.. bt i prefer present de na.. LOL.. anw.. hope tt all is fine for her, will remain hapi n find a job fast fast.. quite sad de lei.. no matter wat we hv alr developed frenship le ma.. shes my almost daily msg kaki lei.. gt wk tog or nt oso will msg.. oso duno wat we talking sia. haha..

been feelin rather emo recently.. duno y.. pms i guess.. nw preparing for jci audit.. aft audit gg jap str (hopefully dn gt major happenings).. LOL.. bt rather hapi cos hv been meeting my lovelie nana for many days.. hahaha.. jz enjoy meeting them.. enjoy their company.. even if it means doing nothing, n practically nothing. hahaha.. i reli hope we wun drift apart too far tho. jz like dar n me.. initially close.. den 1 mth meet few times... nw... dn even noe half a yr got meet 1x anot.. haiz..

anw.. hope all my loves will b healthy n happy oways.. lazy to blog le.. tas~

boring life me!

hmm... on nite shift today.. supposedly got willah acc me de, cos gt a mrsa pt.. bt turned out pt condition worsened.. so cancel test.. n nw, here, im all alone..

anw.. ytd i was pondering... y m i oways so free.. kp gg to find my frens.. tink they all muz b tinking y m i so free la.. duno lei.. i feel so weird de.. on my free days jz wana go c my frens lor.. i may hv lotsa frens bt ppl whom is reli impt to me is onli like tt few.. LOL.. they muz b damn irritated to c me lor!! i tink.. lol.. gg suntec main purpose is to acc ah na.. jz dn wan her to feel so bored at wk, tho i guess i thr oso dn help ease her boredom la.. bt @ least im thr ma.. can da bao food for her, can listen to her stories, can wuliao wu liao w her la.. dn mind 2b at her svr anytime. tho to her mayb im nt even her fren. haha.. bt still, i wun mind! haha.. go hougang abit bored la.. cos nth to do seriously.. ah teng bz w her bb tea.. lol.. im onli blocking ppl's way nia.. hahaha.. bt promised to look for her when free.. ahh.. cant my life lighten up abit?? r tt e woes of a single? or it occurs to ppl who r attached as well?? or isit jz me?

na's bday over le.. i done a card n scrapbook for her.. scrapbook idea came when we were in shanghai at e notebook store when they bought many stuffs.. was tinking wana do sth special as a bday gift.. LOL.. went dhoby ghaut duno how many thousand times le.. made w luv, paper market to n fro.. went ion n orchard central bookstore as well.. den to raffles city papermarket n parkway scraperlicious.. i wud sae scrapbooking is nt sumting tt is ez to do.. esp to ppl like me.. lotsa materials to get.. lotsa research to do, lotsa ideas to generate.. idk if she likes them anot.. saying abt tt, it reminds me of e scrapbook dar done for me.. my roommate threw it away.. =( haix.. tt is 1 of my precious ting.. ahhh!! sad.. e scrappie ah.. i got many mini notes here n thr de.. bt on 2nd tots, i gave it up.. dn wana b so losoh.. haha..

idk y i gave e idea to ppl tt i wun reject anyting no matter wat my frens wan me to do.. but u all r wrong.. i onli will nt reject my lovelies n besties requests. cos i knew e rejected feeling.. bu hao shou ma.. i dn wan them to feel tt way.. as long within my means, i will do it de.. bt sumhw to them, it is a diff ting.. n tt sumhw mk me feel so... na men! cos they duno tt im doing it for them n them ONLY! many other stuffs oso.. i admit im nt a v sociable person.. as in.. my expressions r reli horrible.. i sumhw dn like to express too much out in front of ppl, even to those im close w de.. bt i wud express it in my msges.. LOL..

actu my intention is to celebrate na's bday sumday at sentosa de.. of course nt USS la, cos she oso dare nt tk many of e rides.. bt play e other stuffs in sentosa.. n prob stay a nite at hard rock hotel. den we can stay thr till late late no prob.. n eat cake cake.. long time nv eat bday cake le.. LOL.. wat a stupid excuse! bt 1st, i doubt she will b interested.. 2nd, tink she will scold me lor.. sae i waste $$.. 3rd.. onli we 3 person tink she will b bored to death la.. hahaha.. anw.. celebrate is cos i wan my lovelie to b hapi aft all e sad stuffs.. n 2nd, b4 she become v sian abt bday (aging signs) hehehe... jz play play lor.. hahaha.. 3rd is cos ah teng nv go sentosa too la.. haha.. heng no1 will c tis blog, if she happen to read tis ah.. tink she gona dots n diaoz n scold me lor!! hahaha.. i guess..

so u c.. my life reli surrounds my frens onli rite... omg!! tis is part of virgo traits ba.. n to sum, im jz purely wuliao ba.. haha.. to cont my blog another day.. losoh enuf le.. watch show time.. hahaha

jz for u nana

itz been a long time since I last updated my bloggie.. spider web everywhere le.. actu I jz wana blog.. haix.. been feeling quite 'heavy' recently.. nana.. hope she's alright ya.. hope tt she will get over it asap.. =( haix.. my lovelie feeling so sad yet I can't do anyting.. tis is e worse ever feeling sia.. u noe.. moodless..

felt sooo redundant.. argh!! nana.. 不要那么不开心.. I noe saying tis is useless nw.. who wun feel sad.. I oso noe saying tis dn help to ease anyting.. still.. nana, I reli hope u will b bk to yr hapi self again..

everytime when ppl tell me tings, I felt so useless.. cos I'm reli reli v lousy in consoling ppl.. I reli Duno wat to say.. haix.. y m I so bad in doing all these? n cos I Duno hw to console, u noe, e 1st ting I wana do is to hug them.. gif them a big hug.. lend them my shoulder.. bt when face to face w them, I Duno hw to approach them.. v useless ba~ =( I'm sori nana.. I can't b of any help to u.. sobs..

I noe nana wun even read my blog, bt still, I wana say: nana, 你要加油喔！要坚强！但我不希望你逞强！在我面前你不要hide yr feelings ma.. dn oways mk me feel so redundant la.. I still got my ears, shoulders, eyes, emotions n mental to lend u de.. u wan borrow hw long oso no probx de.. 24/7 thr for u.. as long as u nit it!! my mouth abit stupid la.. haha.. bad at consoling.. in anw, u wan oso can borrow!! bt seriously, na, muz tk gd care of yrself~ rest well~ =* haix.. =(

from: useless junie =(

life @ ktph...

now beginning to wk day n nite shift... my body clock go haywire sia.. but gd ting im able to adapt fast.. cos i can slp late or wk up early.. tho v tired la.. hehe.. den nw i quite like measuring head le.. tho sumtimes abit e blur, i still like e overall lo.. everytime aft a head is done, i will feel a sense of accomplishment.. heex..

then i hv a duper good senior whose name is meiling.. v v nice person.. heex.. bt im nt under her la.. onli learnt EEG fr her.. hehe.. =) shes my 'baby' for nw.. muahaha... she gt 3 duper cute children.. like her 2nd daughter a lot.. sooo cute.. heex.. shes 5 tis yr.. hehe..

another colleague is jacey.. tt one ahh.. face look so fierce... oways abuse me de.. hahaha... bt ok la.. oso v nice person... came in a mth earlier than me.. bt much younger than me.. =( lol...sui ye bu liu ren ahh~~ so excited.. coming week gona wk nite w her liao...

den oso gt my ah tao n another philippine colleague.. they both oso ok la... nt bad... hahaha... hmm... this coming mon gt another new girl joining us le.. bt she will b my baby's girl.. heheehe... wonder hw she look like sia.. so exciting.. =D bt i wun gt to c her until nxt nxt wk... haiyo... sooo long... ahhaha... =)

bt tis hos v enthu sia.. muz go run n jog to kp fit, muz hv book reviews... staffs muz go present.. i tot in workin world esp my tis kinda job dn nit to present le.. who noes???!!!! ahahahaha...dn ask me present i do cow do horse oso can la.. hahaha... end of yr still gt fitness test.. i tot poly will end tis napfa test... who noes... hahaha.. rubber band, attire etc feel like im still in sch sia.. lol.. In terms of pay, im quite contented la.. cos pay adjustment etc.. so yep yep... pay much much better than previous job de... even nite shift allowance oso went up... nt bad uhh~~ hehehe...

eend of intro part 1 ba... nw gona go do analysing liao... nitex da jia~~ =)

emotional 1st mth...

recently got a new job.. idk wat to feel.. just felt soooo lost thr... duno is cos im still new thr or wat...like sooo alienated... deep inside, i felt reli unhappy n lonely... bt come to tink abt it, if hospi nv hire me, n im still at wintertime, still sian cos most prob im still at MBS... aiya... duno la... probably is lidat ba... tis is work life... the onli ting left is the ppl thr... i felt sooo happy seeing them... c my 2-3 loveloves thr... felt overjoyed.. esp when thrs sth for me to look fwd to aft wk.. for nw, still ok la.. bt once peak period, they wud b sooo bz... den i oso cant go find them like now.. sumtimes i gt the idea of secretly workin thr during peak period... mayb cos i used to bz bz.. mayb jz wana wk tog w them again... mayb jz nt used to the overly free life.. i hated the lonely empty feeling.. reli dreaded it.. bt wat can i do?? can onli go find frens to relieve tt feel.. sooo miserable rite... like sooo despo to hv that feel being filled up..doubt many hv tt same kinda feel as i does.. cos they r all surrounded by ppl.. by besties, bf or gf, relatives, siblings or family.. haix...emo emo...

tink e lonely me gona celebrate my lonely bday alone tis yr... mayb i shld nt tk leave on tt day... cos i dn wana go round begging ppl to acc me go out etc.. aiya... still long... shall c hw la... hahaha..

last bt nt least, i hope tt my lovelies will oways b happy, xing fu, healthy n well... i noe all of them seldom or nv come my bloggie de... bt still... i jz wana sae i will be avail for all of u 24/7.. if u nit my companionship, nit any help... feel free to approach me k.. i dn mind being e spare tyre.. like when u all cant find any1, can find me k... even if in future i hv my own fam(hopefully i will have la), u all will still be my precious de loveloves... muackz... =D

reflection n happenings for e mth of may... lol

recently aft wk ar...i c tis auntie... she used her own $$ to buy lotsa meow meow food n feed the meows dnstair... hmm... tis auntie soo kind sia... i dn tink i will lidat one lor... aiyo... everyday w/o fail sia... n u will c her walk here n thr finding n feeding cats.. tt was aft wk at abt 1145+... den today ahhh...i came hm abt 8+ den i saw her feeding a kitten wor... wa... den is 1 pack of food.. so nice of her sia... hahaha... in tis world oso gt sucha nice person... hehe



anw... my nanny is back hm aft few days of hospitalisation.. heng ahh... onli acute cystitis, gross hematuria n UTI... shes bk bt she still nit to hv e catheter on her to monitor her urine... bt sooo clear le... no longer e bloody urine..so happy...n she look healthier le...



recently worked at MBS... is reli v SIAN one lor... no ppl... long hrs(tho hrs e same as other outlets, onli tt gt shift) den soooo far away fr teng n nana... walao.. boring dao~~ miss them dao~~then no music... damn boring.. sum more e shift sucks... esp e nite shift... sian... until 11pm.. lethargic sia... den worse is when u conseq 3 days wk fr 1230-11,den e nxt 3 conseq days is wk fr 10-830.. v v tiring lor!!! off day onli 1 wk once.. worse.. onli gt insects accompany u... v v bad backache...v slpy n tired... haix.... den limited transportation... so sian...



bt itz ok... cos my last day is on 25th... HAHA... aft tt gona go wk at a hospital le.... bt for e time being, still hafta start trainin at AH man... hopefully i can excel in tt job... hahaha... bt i will definitely mis teng they all de... =( pls do kp in contact ok... i dn wan like drifting apart... cos i tink itz happening btn all my frens... in sec, lost contact w pri frens.. in poly, lose contact w sec frens.. nw wkg, lose contact w poly frens.. mayb shld sae rarely... even w ah dar oso.. haix.. i noe we all bz, bt i hp we all wud be able to mit at least once a mth or sth... pls pls... hahahas....

muahaha..ytd went to sign my contract w a hospital.. so hapi n so sad..hapi cos I gt a job w higher pay n more relevant w my course of studies...(tho nt v relevant) hehe..sad cos I gona miss ah teng they all..afterall,I witnessed my 'son' birth till nw..tog w his 2 main mummies.. gg to another plc to witness e birth of another son..wahaha.. n e worst ting of all is tt I can't even wk in sc for my remaining days~ haix.. sianz :-(


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my ren sheng da shi...lol

recently kp niaming abt work... then today we were complaining abt long wking hrs, low pay n benefits.. hehe... den aiyo...i sudd realise hor..im reli wasting my time n youth sia... lol.. low pay... no social life... den die liao.. wait cant marry out how?? hahaha... start to worry.. heex... tink hor.. muz go find a matchmaking centre liao... lol.. go find a cheaper one..lol.. e person gd jiu hao le.. muahahaha.. n gt enuf $$ to yang me.. wahahahaha... scary lei..im so old liao...yet... yet... aiyo... hw man?

post fr yr auntie junie... lol

hmm...wa...困难一直冲着你来，但放心啦~一切一定会顺顺利利的！我会一直帮你祈祷祈祷祈祷着的，最爱的朋友！哈哈... don't worry la... dn kp tinking of e unhappy stuff...wateva u hv,jz enjoy.... dn brood on it ya..?? cos brooding on it will dampen yr mood nia.. =) hmm...in e meantime, pls do tk gd care ya... dn let yr flu bring u dn... slp n rest early n more... den will fast fast recover... den can enjoy yr trip lotsa ma rite... can look 4ward to big big bb tea, nice food, nice shoppings n sceneries, nice SHOWs, n nt forgetting, getting lotsa nice stuff for junie la~ wahahaha.. =p hmm... ehh... kuku ''妹妹''ar...dn b kuku kuku ar~cos e kuku title onli belongs to junie ar... waahahaha... muz b happy n cheerful ar... lidat mood better, den everyting will be better as well ar... good tings will definitely come to u ya..!! heex... if gt chance, mit me at dreamz.com cos thr gt me ar... whr u can throw all yr angrys, unhappys, bad lucks, and claim all yr harpi, cheers, good lucks and 顺利fr thr de.. n ohya... rem to throw all yr germs thr as well ar.. kp yrself healthy ohh~ drink more water, even when yr thr ar..知道吗？要听阿姨junie的肺腑之言哦！！！ huggies!! =) tink tis abandoned bloggie wun b seen, bt still, 希望u will ‘收到' 哦!! hehehe...

Hopes

I hope tt nana stuff will b smooth n nicee.. Everyting will move to e bright side.. N tt everyting will b ok for her.. Hehe.. Jz let all e suay ting happen to me la..since I'm alr so suay... Lol... It doesn't matter more or less.. Best is suay until my life can b taken, cos I dn hv hope n will to live on further..take my life by all means, bt on a request tt all their suay bad tings fall on me n all e gd tings happen to nana,dar n all my other besties la... :-D pls let my tis hope come true~

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sad....

i reli duno wat to do?reli am at a loss... i wana save up to settle my debts... i wana save up to pay all my debts... sumtimes these r driving me crazy... my allowances debts,exam fees etc... secondary sch debts... even c doc oso nit to borrow fr others... den it amts up to a lump sum.. previously sae will help me pay them bk.. cos afterall tis kinda tings is parents pay de.. bt they pi gu sao sao left a sum here.. den over thr, cos they refused to pay for my spects, nanny niece lent me $ to buy them...den misc stuffs oso nanny niece pay for me.. all in my lower secondary years.. den wat happen? im left to pay another sum here... nvm.. they initially scolded me.. refused to let me study poly... cos SHE she bu de spend her $$ on me...i tried n find ways to pay sch fees.. in e end came to noe CPF can pay..in future den pay bk... nw i hv another sum to pay.. den come to gg aussie study... borrowed fr eddie kor a lump sum of $$ to study... dad sister oso lent us... these sum of $$ my dad sae will settle w me...share e load.. wat crap...!!! they borrow n borrow fr everywhr.... den wat hv they done?? they pi gu sao sao den jz drop e whole lump sum of $$ owed on me.. den i hv to pay.. do any of yr noe tt jz tinkg of e sum i hafta pay reli stressed me???

den came a dad who kp tinkg unrealisticly... stock n stock..forex n forex.... bt whr is e money?? dn u tink tt wkg is more realistic den idling at hm??? den came a mum hu is sucha gambler...so addicted to gambling... both of them instead of helping me tink of ways to clear my debts,they actu increase my debts..WT..!!! borrowed fr here n thr... n even borrowed sooooo much fr me!!! im reli reli scare they will be like last time, pi gu sao sao jiu zou... den im reli dead...

tinkg of e debts i hv alr made me soooo depressed... having sucha money grubber parents made me more depressed... i feel sooo xin ku... i feel so beng kui... i feel so tired... i dn wana b soo debt-ridden... n do u noe e stress my fam is giving me?? my aunt n uncle kp telling me abt e $$ my parents owed them... u noe... im all alone... when i feel so pc tt time,who can i tell?? cant tell any1.. everytime when i tink of e $,i reli get v v depressed.. i wud cry...

when im soo upset, i reli gt e impulsiveness to kill myself... jump off a building, poison myself, cut myself or let myself b knocked dn.. bt... i realised im a coward... serious... when i imagine i wana jump, i dn tink i hv e courage to do sooo... omg!!! sooo qiao bu qi wo zi ji sia!!

haix... how?? i feel soooo alone... wana find sum1 to talk to, bt i duno wat to sae.. bt i hate being alone...cos alone e stress is more...e stress is thr... sooo stressful... bt no matter hw, i feel soo alone... im oways trying to let all nt feel alone yet im oways being left alone in e end... =( emoooo... tell u... i reli hated tis kinda feeling... i can be alone bt i dn wana be alone.... i oways envy ppl who is nt alone... they oways at least hv sum1 to b w them.. bt i dn... i dread being alone..bt im oways being left alone in e end... ='( hope tis feel will go off asap......

felt better writing it out.... heex.... felt bettter aft crying... felt happier cos nana called me... heex.. gan dong gan dong... bt when i wana sae sth, tears welled my eyes.. den in e end i dn wana sae anyting... wahaha.. bt im reli hapi for nana's care... thanks nana... muackz!! =) n thks sheryl jiejie for yr concern... hmm...thks my dardar too!! =)

lastly,i wana go holiday!!!managed to ask von go during May bt nw no promo... hw sia??? =(

Sad n sian

Haix..so upsetting..dn understand y I hv such parents...kp borrowin fr me..worse of all,e Amt kp increasing...n hv nv tot of returning...wat the ****!!! I hated using vulgarities..bt nw I reli feel like using!!damn!!irritating!!!I hate them I hate them I hate them!!!!!!!!!!! =(

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